true doublethink

i have noticed a really strange but true behavior pattern i can not stand. I have had some really bad confrontaions with my sister or husband or daughter. after the fight starts, instead of countering my statements and proving me wrong they attack by throwing my words back at me. if I said for example "stop talking back to me and go clean your room" to my daughter she would say "i am not talking back to you!". Or i told my sister i could not take her somewhere for sure and she said something like "tell me when you can take me or I will take a cab!" I said "it is not safe going to the store alone, stop threatening me". And she would say "i'm not threatening you! So the main point i am argueing about never even gets discussed! ( or rarely). Instead I wouldput myself on the victim role and be such an EXCELLENT martyr and allow my personal buttons to be pushed. It makes me more nuts then even I can deal with.

Another behaviour I can not stand is when someone wields that double edged sword : like a mother I saw once in a big store. she was slapping her child and saying "I TOLD YOU (slap) NOT TO HIT". Everyone in my family at times is really like this without realizing it, and in none of these criticisms am I exempt! But it is almost as I have been stereotyped as the one who interrupts , repeats myself, and yells. HELLO! My sister asked me not to lash out as some kind of pre-condition when i went to LA to help her. Then she spends a lot of the time lashing out at me. .... i know that she and other sis and brother and ME do not see their faces our hear their or our tone. It is so far removed from loving attitudes. i wish I could tape such an interaction or video it and let them watch it . The whole time I was in LA I was anxious like I was about to get yelled at or in trouble. it was quite ironic and I kept trying to talk about it. My sister was the only one in my family I could be honest and healthy with telling her my emotions and reactions honestly. This time it was like all the previous growth never happened. I am not innocent, but I sure see myself clearly now!