Thursday, February 26, 2009

On a Birthday

i have had another birthday.  Suffice it to say that if i am wise beyond my years, i am very, very smart.  i have learned that no matter what your denominational brand , the point is the same.  to keep going.  i think what i have learned from my own deity, sprituality, purpose is to keep going.  And, i do not mean to keep trudging along.  i mean to keep going, towards with purpose.  to keep that direction with a song in your heart.  a lot of stuff has been thrown into my path.  i was at one point really angry, really depressed.  a business gone, health gone, athleticism, gone, a following, lots of love gone.  my semming importance to a lot of people every day gone.  what mattered is to keep going.  eventually sometimes the why and the wherefore may emerge, or not.  you may be justified, or not.  it may be fair, or not.  i was judged harshly, i was seen as a blessing.  i was seen as a bad person, even as i struggled to right wrongs.  bad stuff happened, and i am happy to say now that i am glad.  i am glad that i can tell the stories and laugh at myself.  i can choose my path wihout rancor.  anger does not serve me anymore.  the hardest thing has been to give up caring that i am right.  the fact that i can now most times, not care, is proof to me beyond a doubt that god exists.  to have this wonderful paradox of being so individual, this wonderful ego that drives us to accomplish what we can, and at the same time to accept that we are just one, and we need to be happy to keep going even when it is so tough, and feel blessed to be here, is the gift.  i am sure that getting old, or curing the soul resides in accepting the central paradox of our lives, and for me still being happy to feel the sun is what my job is, after all.  to keep going, and to sing along the way.  the astonishment is so much more fun then the anger was.

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